overwhelmed… too many tabs open…

I do BOTH (too many things in succession too fast AND one thing too exclusively) and feel like this is what contributes to my current state of feeling completely and utterly overwhelmed (or mad). This, in conjunction with my OCD personality and high expectations, makes life feel like it’s spiraling out of control… and a brain that feels like it’s going to explode…

a to z: d is for doubt (as a result of ADHD/OCD/anxiety)

 

Doubt, as the result of ADHD/OCD/anxiety. Ever experience it? It’s those times you’re not present, obsessing over your thoughts, and too wrapped up in your feelings/emotions to think clearly, leading to wondering…

• did I close the garage door and turn off the stove?
• am I missing an important meeting (with who knows who?)
• did I forget to do something so important that I forgot what it was?
• am I actually qualified enough to do that presentation I agreed to?
• am I a shitty Mom for occasionally choosing “me” time over family time?
• did I miss the subtle nonverbal cues during a conversation, indicating that something I said upset my communication partner?
• am I making the right choices in life?

My list is endless, which, to me, indicates my doubt is endless. Strangely enough, though, I have never felt myself to be, or thought of myself as, a doubtful person. I wonder why this is?

to me, this is what doubt looks like – colorful spinning gears

Maybe because doubt is subtle.

Compared to the inexhaustible mind/body chatter of ADHD, the uncontrollable obsessions of OCD, and the uncomfortable level of panic with anxiety, doubt is minute. And maybe self-confidence can overshadow doubt (and maybe even anxiety to a degree). And maybe optimism plays a role… maybe optimistic people look at doubt as a reason to focus, delve deeper into self-awareness, and develop positive strategies. However, it seems the word “doubt” is perceived as negative… just try searching for clipart/images/photos of doubt.

And now I’m doubting doubt. Does doubt actually exist? Or is doubt just a word that describes a common occurrence resulting from a variety of other more easily felt and describable emotions/feelings?