Right now, I have four other draft posts sitting unfinished (mind you, I just started posting again only a week ago). And about 100 unfinished craft projects. Not to mention the thousands of dollars worth of crafting/artistic supplies I one day had big (huge) dreams for. I read this article that one of my friends posted on Facebook, and I felt like I totally could relate (minus the immigrant references, but I think I somewhat understand).
So my 11-year-old son started Ritalin yesterday… just one day after he officially received his diagnosis of ADD (without hyperactivity). We have three more weeks of school and I want to see if this makes a difference before summer comes and the expectations are less demanding. I’m still struggling with trying to figure out how I feel about this whole “meds” thing. A part of me is relieved that we finally maybe can “solve” the issues in school that have concerned me for the past five years. A part of me is still in denial that *my son* needs medication. Another part of me blames myself for not being able to “fix” him like I used to “fix” my patients (without medication). Overall, I think the strongest emotion I’m currently feeling is guilt. If it works, I’ll feel guilty for not agreeing to meds earlier. If it doesn’t work, I’ll feel guilty that we’re back to square one. If he feels any side effects, I’ll feel guilty that I couldn’t help him without meds. If it either works or doesn’t work, I’ll feel guilty that my job has always come first and that had I dedicated more time to him or had more patience with him, we wouldn’t be in the situation we’re in now. The rational side of my brain says that the worse thing we could do is to do nothing at all and that ADD is not the end of the world. I know these things, but the guilt’s got me in an irrational funk that’s hard to ignore. So here’s hoping for whatever Ritalin is meant to do for my son…
I do BOTH (too many things in succession too fast AND one thing too exclusively) and feel like this is what contributes to my current state of feeling completely and utterly overwhelmed (or mad). This, in conjunction with my OCD personality and high expectations, makes life feel like it’s spiraling out of control… and a brain that feels like it’s going to explode…
Daily Prompt: Just Another Day – Our days our organized around numerous small actions we repeat over and over. What’s your favorite daily ritual?
I recently started following Daniel Montano’s blog Framework 21 and have loved what I’ve seen so far. Daniel’s blog includes posts on neuroscience, cognitive sciences, health technology, entrepreneurship, and systems thinking. He includes book and podcast recommendations and articles he finds interesting with links on his blog.
Through one of his posts, I was introduced to Brainwaves For Leaders, 
which is another blog that seems like it was made just for me. Brainwaves for Leaders presents leadership theories backed by neuroscience, cognitive sciences, psychology, sociology, and business development strategies to improve performance, efficiency, productivity, and human relations.
Warning: humor + feminism + past experiences + insight = my opinionated post that some may find offensive.
In the corporate workplace, personal characteristics are scrutinized. Performance is appreciated, but who you are is constantly under judgment. People’s characteristics fuel office politics and gossip. Not achievements. Not the people themselves for who they are.
These characteristics are ambiguous and subjective and highly dependent on situational variables and industries. Impartiality in an educator could be negatively viewed as cold and unaccommodating; yet, impartiality in a judge may be positively viewed as logical and unbiased. Even further, impartiality in a teacher may be negative when working with students with special needs, yet positive when mediating an argument between two students.
Fighting authority, for one person, may mean asserting independence (aggressively and individually standing up against unjust authority). For another, fighting authority may mean rebelling against unrealistic demands (maybe in the form of passive aggressiveness). How one chooses to expose these characteristics results in corporate labels. “She’s one of those people who does her own thing.” “She’s one of those people who doesn’t do shit for herself.”
Above is my list (in no particular order other than alphabetical) of my own characteristics and my own opinion of where I usually am on each continuum of characteristics. The reason for this list is to better explain what I’m like when I emotionally fight corporate authority. With the exception of “impartial,” all other characteristics slide all the way to the right… to the “too much” side. That’s me in a nutshell when I’m partaking in emotional fighting. Conversely, when I’m too complacent and feeling “low,” I tend to slide all the way to the left side, again with “impartial” as the exception, sliding all the way to the right.
When I fight authority and take a non-emotional stand against “the man,” I win. In reality, I think what really happens is that I’m able to create a situation that doesn’t need fighting. So essentially, I win. We all win. No anecdotal advice on how to win here. Just a combination of characteristics that just so happen to work well together (in my opinion) to take an unpleasant/unfair/negative situation and transform it into an amicable one… as long as I remain unemotional. That’s how I win.
via Pinterest
How do I avoid wasted days? I don’t. I’m a daytime procrastinator. Tried and true, through and through.
However, all hope is not lost. I’m a pretty successful person (if I must say so myself). I meet all my deadlines and do so with high quality and 110% effort. How do I do it? I go get um’ at night.
I LOVE the night (via Pinterest)
Me (via Pinterest)
Right now, I have the luxury of not having a 9-to-5 job. However, I still have responsibilities and deadlines. But instead of fighting my slow, distracted, ADHD brain cells during the day, I utilize my night time wisely.
There’s no sense in fighting it. It takes double, if not triple, the time and effort to complete tasks during the day than it would at night. The night brings on efficiency.
I don’t know if it’s just me or my personality type (or a combination of both), but I just don’t/can’t work during the day.
I go get um’ at night.
Feeling flighty, fearful of failure, fixated and frustrated
Fragile, feeble, frantic, fragmented
Festering internal feuds
Frightening finales.
Faking it, feigning familiarity.
Fifty friendly smiles for me
Facilitating fixed faith
Fear fading, funk flickering
Fabulous family and friends
Featuring fortunate and fresh, flawless and fierce me
Fifty fulfilled smiles from me.
My list is endless, which, to me, indicates my doubt is endless. Strangely enough, though, I have never felt myself to be, or thought of myself as, a doubtful person. I wonder why this is?
to me, this is what doubt looks like – colorful spinning gears
Maybe because doubt is subtle.
Compared to the inexhaustible mind/body chatter of ADHD, the uncontrollable obsessions of OCD, and the uncomfortable level of panic with anxiety, doubt is minute. And maybe self-confidence can overshadow doubt (and maybe even anxiety to a degree). And maybe optimism plays a role… maybe optimistic people look at doubt as a reason to focus, delve deeper into self-awareness, and develop positive strategies. However, it seems the word “doubt” is perceived as negative… just try searching for clipart/images/photos of doubt.
meraki geek 