Work and Depression


Right now, I have four other draft posts sitting unfinished (mind you, I just started posting again only a week ago). And about 100 unfinished craft projects. Not to mention the thousands of dollars worth of crafting/artistic supplies I one day had big (huge) dreams for. I read this article that one of my friends posted on Facebook, and I felt like I totally could relate (minus the immigrant references, but I think I somewhat understand).




So my 11-year-old son started Ritalin yesterday… just one day after he officially received his diagnosis of ADD (without hyperactivity). We have three more weeks of school and I want to see if this makes a difference before  summer comes and the expectations are less demanding. I’m still struggling with trying to figure out how I feel about this whole “meds” thing. A part of me is relieved that we finally maybe can “solve” the issues in school that have concerned me for the past five years. A part of me is still in denial that *my son* needs medication. Another part of me blames myself for not being able to “fix” him like I used to “fix” my patients (without medication). Overall, I think the strongest emotion I’m currently feeling is guilt. If it works, I’ll feel guilty for not agreeing to meds earlier. If it doesn’t work, I’ll feel guilty that we’re back to square one. If he feels any side effects, I’ll feel guilty that I couldn’t help him without meds. If it either works or doesn’t work, I’ll feel guilty that my job has always come first and that had I dedicated more time to him or had more patience with him, we wouldn’t be in the situation we’re in now. The rational side of my brain says that the worse thing we could do is to do nothing at all and that ADD is not the end of the world. I know these things, but the guilt’s got me in an irrational funk that’s hard to ignore. So here’s hoping for whatever Ritalin is meant to do for my son…

overwhelmed… too many tabs open…

Mental illness quote: Madness is to think of too many things in succession too fast, or of one thing too exclusively.:

I do BOTH (too many things in succession too fast AND one thing too exclusively) and feel like this is what contributes to my current state of feeling completely and utterly overwhelmed (or mad). This, in conjunction with my OCD personality and high expectations, makes life feel like it’s spiraling out of control… and a brain that feels like it’s going to explode…

Image of My Brain Has Too Many Tabs Open:

2/27 – 3/6: mochi, sushi, girls’ day, and calligraphy

The past nine days have been busy! I worked seven out of the nine days and only had last Sunday and today off. However, “off” means only off from work, as Sundays are football game days, which means I’m at the field for about five hours, leaving me just a few waking hours to have fun (aka time to myself) between or after having to be a responsible adult/Mom. I try to practice my lettering at the field, but the position of my hand and the size of my book on my lap makes it quite frustrating to get quality practice in.

So here’s some pics from this past week, starting with the best mochi from Two Ladies Kitchen in Hilo. My husband had to go to Hilo for the day last Saturday to deal with some tenant issues so he brought back the yummiest of treats for us… mochi stuffed with grapes, mandarin oranges, strawberries, and pears!


On Monday night, I took the managers out for a dual birthday celebration (two of the managers had February birthdays). We went to Doraku in Kaka’ako, which is one of my favorite restaurants to go to! Here’s a sample of some of the food and drink we enjoyed:


From the upper left corner going clockwise: Rising Sun cocktail (sake, plum wine, juices and rimmed with li hing mui powder) and a shot of Ozeki nigori sake, Spicy Crunchy Trio with only spicy tuna (my new FAVORITE!!!!!), Honey Toast, Ozeki nigori sake, Brownie Tempura, Tofu Poke, Bread Pudding (we got two of these huge bread pudding desserts for free since we were celebrating two birthdays), and East Meets West rolls. Along with all this yumminess, we also ordered Chicken Karaage, Tuna Tataki, Beef Tataki, Edamame, Garlic Steak, and various sushi rolls. Oh, and I really liked what was written on the hashi (chopsticks) wrapper: “Doraku in Japanese means ‘the road to happiness.’ DO means road or path and RAKU means happiness or pleasure. We are committed to live up to our name and hope you find happiness here as well!”

On Wednesday, I received a package of goodies from a calligrapher I met on Periscope. I sent him a predetermined payment and trusted him to put together an arsenal of calligraphy “toys” good for a beginner. Boy did he please! I received a couple of oblique pens, a handful of straight pens (including one that I believe I’m supposed to fill with ink… kind of like a fountain pen?), tons of various style nibs – broad point, French, modern, etc., and a package of walnut crystals to make walnut ink with. What I love the most is the hand written letter he calligraphed for me live on Periscope (although I’m so bummed I missed it) and included with the package. I will do a post on this later when I have a chance.

Thursday was Girls’ Day, or Hinamatsuri, and I had a blast (insert sarcastic emoji) going to SIX stores trying to buy traditional pink and white mochi for the residents at the Assisted Living Facility that I work at. I easily could’ve pre-ordered the mochi from this one place (Nisshodo) in town, but I did not want to drive all.the.way. to town from the Westside just to have to drive back to Central Oahu for work. But after my adventurous morning, I decided that next year, it actually may be easier and less time consuming to drive all.the.way. to town and back.

Nisshodo Candy Store - Honolulu, HI, United States. Chi Chi Dango (aka pink & white "milk dumplings, $4.75/lb): Sweet, soft & chewy!

Photo courtesy of Yelp

We bought our girls some pineapple coconut balls and colored sweet rice treats for Girls’ Day and they received packages from both sets of Grandparents full of treats from Maui (strawberry mochi, pink arare, puffed colored rice, etc.) and the cutest shirts and pins ever from Hilo!

IMG_0093 (1)

The Life is Wabi-Sabi pins came with an explanation about Wabi-Sabi: “Wabi-Sabi is the Japanese view of life that finds beauty in things that are imperfect, humble and simple, ordinary and unrefined. It is a way of living that peacefully accepts the natural cycle of life. Everything ages, nothing lasts forever, and sometimes things don’t work out as planned. Embrace the Wabi-Sabi concept and discover that life is “Purr-fectly Imperfect.”

That night, I had a chance sacrificed sleep to play with my new calligraphy goodies. I tried out the wooden oblique holder and two nibs: John Heaths Telephone Pen 0278F nib and a French Baignol and Farjon No. 803 nib. Here’s a pic of my drill attempts (note: it was VERY late at night and I was practically falling asleep while writing, but I just HAD to try out my new goodies):


After a long day of work on Friday and a barbecue with some friends for dinner, I retreated up to my room to write a little. That night, I didn’t feel like doing drills, so I just let my hand go and do what it wanted. I had to wake up early the next morning to go to work, so I had to cut it short, but here’s what my pen did when I just wrote without thinking too much:


Notice how I couldn’t even come up with what to write, so I just wrote the obvious… name, “I just wanna write!”, alphabet, date, and the materials I was using at that moment in time. Talk about lack of creativity! Oh, and I thought I’d take a shot of my working area as I thought it looked kind of like a beautiful mess.

I usually don’t work Saturdays, so after work yesterday, I was just too tired to do anything other than absorb inspiration from Periscope and Instagram.

So there you have it. The last nine days of my life in short. After writing this, I’m thinking that maybe it is easier to post more frequently than to try and compose one long post like this??? Well, we’ll see…


spilt ink and a second scope


Remember how I was so stoked that I did my first scope yesterday at the park? Well, I must’ve left my ink a tad bit open, because today when I went to retrieve it from my bag before going to work, this is the mess I found! At least it was all contained in this Ziploc bag. Still, bummers…


On a high note, I completed my second scope! This time, I scoped the Hawaii Lion Dance Association dancing and blessing the residents at my workplace. The little lion was performed by a 6 year-old boy who was super adorable (seen here “eating” the money from my kids)!

First scope… overcoming the fear!


I just did my first scope. Jumped in with both feet and just did it. No planning. No plan. Very much unlike me.

And it reflects in the scope, but my goal was to just do it. Get over that first hurdle, similar to the pre-event social anxiety that I get. And it wasn’t that bad! I had a few super supportive scopers who I admire and look up to encourage me and provide very much needed feedback and tips. What a positive experience it ended up being all because of these wonderful folks! I wish I knew how to tag them from my phone (eating sushi with the kids right now). If I did, I would extend a very grateful and huge THANK YOU to Melinda, Stephanie, and Lance!!!

That’s one thing that really stands out about Periscope… everyone I’ve met so far are so positive and supportive. And to be able to connect with people around the world (during my scope, New Mexico, Germany, and Iowa) is priceless.

Maybe being on the other side of the scope is not so bad after all…